You know it's thriller, thriller night

The caldron was brimming all night. Leave it to the Varsity team to handle the booze. Cups overflowing with round, wet eyeballs, champagne over dry ice. Perhaps we all had a bit too much by the time we went to the roof. Or maybe it was all the flu shots going round. Those things can make you walk backwards.

Cuz in that Thrilllllllllerrrrrr, we couldn't quite get the dance routine, no matter how hard the sprightly goblin was trying to teach us. Drunk mummy clearly had the best moves. Amongst a graveyard of dead dreams, of the American sort, we got the beginning down pat. You know, the freeform improvisation part where we could all roll around on a silver rooftop like half-risen zombies at the top of the pops. Clearly there is no other way to celebrate Halloween than to reenact the greatest video ever made.


Shoulder shoulder, creep creep. The AIG Man kept interrupting. So Corporate America, just pure entitlement. Hit the trick switch on the briefcase and the contents went flying. He sure did a lot of coke and it sure did smell a lot like baby powder. Sign of the times? The bottles rolled, clear prescription vials, Good for the uppers and Plenty for the downers. Shoulder, Shoulder, creep, creep. Now spin like a praying mantis.

The Goblin teacher danced around shirtless for the rest of the night. Who said sexy Halloween is only for the ladies. In my opinion, the mimes talked too much. Drunk mummy turned into sleepy mummy and the one-toothed vampire Angus Young put him to bed.

Nancy Kerrigan, always thinking of the future, networking on the way out: “I never promised you a cadaver.” Tonya Harding attacked the Pokeman youth with a long shiny object, because they didn't know who she was. Their MTV was full of reality shows, not 90s tabloid stars. How dare they.

The band conquered. Bad girlfriend, you must feel my wrath upon percussion and keys. Man-eating drummer robot ate it up. And then the sluts showed up. Latex looks better at night. But the best characters of the night were the ones who wore the most clothes: Surf & Turf, Hairy Cheerleader squad, Pet Rock, and the Human Rorschach test. What did you see?